


Shattered

by hiddengirl



Category: SHINee
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 03:46:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4731683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiddengirl/pseuds/hiddengirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ally's life story is a sob story.  Orphaned with her twin brother, and put into foster care.  Taemin, Onew, Key, Jonghyun, and Minho pick up the pieces after everything Miyuki ever loved is taken away.<br/>(2min, Jongkey)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Shattered

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! It's my first time writing, so it's probably bad. Please comment.

When I was little my whole life centered around two things. I lived for soccer and my family. My Parents died in a bank robbery, so my only family is my twin brother. Almost half of my reason to live, and the people I was supposed to be able to lean on all gone in a night. That's my story. The foster house they sent us to told us that we had to join a company called Linear Motion because the lady's sister was the wife of the director. She signed a contract saying that we would both completely obey LM's instructors and coaches. The contract had us dancing for five hours a day. In return, Cole could do martial arts, and I would be allowed to play competitive soccer. 

I found that I didn't hate dancing as much as I thought I would. Cole and I were pushed into a dance group with a boy named Taemin, who was the best dancer I've ever know. We grew close over the first few weeks because he was nice enough to stay after class and help teach us how to dance despite our inability to remember what anything was called. He became a dear friend who was always there to comfort me. Of course there were days when I would go numb, when I wouldn't care about anything, and I wished more than anything in the world to be erased, but that's just a side affect from being a little depressed, or so the internet says. I would fall back into the hole of self pity and memories and drown in my thoughts. One day, when it was really bad, he stopped me after practice. I guess I was being too obviously upset. 

"Alison? Are you okay," he asked. Worry obvious in his voice. I nodded and turned away. My throat was burning from the effort of not crying. I won't appear weak. I can't. I knew that I was about to break, but I couldn't force everything on him. Cole was in the hospital because of a bicycle accident and wet pavement. It had served as a trigger. I couldn't afford to lose something that precious to me. Not again. "I think that you're lying to me," he whispered quietly, hurt that that I would lie to him. "Do you want to hang out with me? We could go get banana milk," he offered. I was tempted. Banana milk is the drink of the gods, I swear. I debated in my head. Sure I had a pile of homework at home, what high school student doesn't, but he was offering banana milk.

I caved in. "Let me call my Mum." I called, of course she said yes. I knew that she wanted me to get my mind off of the my brother almost died thing. I nodded at Taemin. "Let's go." He smiled and pulled me out the door.

"Do you wanna meet some of my friends Ally?" I nodded. I knew his friends were his foundation, and I wanted to meet these people that Taemin treasured so much. He laughed. I love it when he laughs. His face lights up and it feels like a weight from my shoulders had been lifted. Not that I would ever tell him that. I don't have a crush on him. I promise. His fan club and his boyfriend would be after my hide. We went to store and grabbed some banana milk, and then we ran to the park to meet his friends. Jinki, Jonghyun, Key, and Minho are really great people. Minho is Taemin's boyfriend, and Key and Jonghyun are dating as well. But Jinki made sure that I didn't feel like a third wheel. He was warm and sweet. Jinki reminded me of what a clumsy older brother was like, but cuter and more fun to be around. Cole was always graceful and light on his feet, quick to react and slow to upset. Jinki was clumsy and tended to fall everywhere, quick to get up and quick to rise to challenges and crack jokes. Even though we had essentially been dragged along to a double date, I had fun and forgot why I was so upset because Jinki was so sweet. At the end of the night I said good bye and I promised to stop by Taemin's apartment to hang out with them again and to drag Cole with me.

When I got home Cole looked up at me. "So where were you Ally," he asked as he pulled my arm as I tried to sneak past him.

"I'm not telling," I decided. "But next time you have to come with me because Taemin's friends want to meet you." 

"Oh, you were with Taemin." He paused, sounding a little relieved. "That's fine then. He has a boyfriend, so he wouldn't make a move on you. Plus he's a good kid."

I nodded in agreement. "Wait! He's our age! You can't call him a kid!" 

Cole laughed. "Watch me!" Then he grabbed me and pulled me down onto the couch with him. We landed with a thud and he pushed me to one side of the couch while he lounged on the other. What show do you want to watch?"

"I dunno. Can we watch 'Area no Kishi?" 

Cole groaned. "We've watched every episode several times now, and I'm injured," he complained. He was right. We've watched the series nonstop since I found it the year before. "Don't you have the plot memorized by now?"

I huffed. "You get to go to every martial arts practice. I have to skip soccer every once in a while for dance. I haven't gone all week. Watching it gives me the excitement of going to soccer practice. Plus no good games are on right now." 

I thought that I had won, but then he spoke up. "Don't you have homework to do?" I froze. "Yeah, you haven't done your homework yet because you went from school to dance to hanging out with Taemin and his friends."

"Fine." I rolled off the sofa to grab my homework. "You're in charge of dinner tomorrow though." 

"How's that fair?! You didn't do your homework, so I have to work harder? Did I mention that I just got back from the hospital?"

"I have more AP's than you, and you scared the living lights out of me," I stuck my tongue out at him. "Love you."

"Yeah, Yeah," he muttered. "For the record, I love you too, even if you drive me nuts."

Other than him being injured, everything was perfect. I went to the table to work on her homework, only to realize that I had completed most of it in class and quickly finished the problems. Then I ran onto the couch and cuddled up to Cole. He put an arm around me and I rested my head on his shoulder as we watched The Avengers. I looked at the bandages on his leg. "Are you still going to be able to dance?" He nodded with a faint smile. Mum would be mad if we weren't able to dance. She got mad at us and shouted if we injured ourselves in our sports. I was grounded for a moth for turning an ankle in soccer. Needless to say, when I sprained my ankle I didn't tell her. The only down side is that I have scar tissue inside my ankle because it didn't heal properly, so it hurts every once in a while if I move it wrong. Since he could still dance, I decided to be grateful that he wasn't hurt more and didn't get in trouble. The lady was already mad at him for missing curfew because the bus was late. If he couldn't dance he may not get the food intake he needs to keep up with his exercise.

We stayed like that all night. Cuddled together like we used to when we were little before the robbery. I felt safe and loved. I wasn't alone. Cole was my anchor to the earth, if he had died in the robbery I probably wouldn't be here to tell my story. He saved my life, and I owe him so much more than my life because he stood there while I found myself, picked up the pieces, fell in love with soccer again, and learn to have more people in my life. There were also times where he would break, and I would catch him, but he always tried to deal with them himself because he didn't want me to freak out again. I wish he would let me in more, but as long as he holds me and loves me I'm fine. He's my only family left. If forcing him to open up might make him leave, I would never take the chance.

The next day I had a soccer game. I woke up bright and early to Cole throwing soccer balls at me and shouting something about oatmeal. Mum came in to the living room to ask if I had all of my gear because they were going to drop me off, and they weren't coming back. I was just fine with that. Whenever they came to the games I felt as if I was going to be yelled at for every mistake I made which only resulted in more mistakes. I sat and ate my oatmeal while Cole and the lady talked about the dance we were going to be learning next. I knew that it was supposed to be about forbidden love and from the musical Once, but I was too wrapped up in thinking about the game. I could already feel the butterflies of going back to the field and pulling on my cleats. Sure I played defense so I didn't score any goals, but I had been moving around the positions because Coach wanted me to be a more offensive player.

Cole said something to me. "What?" I looked over at him.

He laughed. "She's so excited and focused on her game that she can't even listen to her twin. I invited Taemin and his friends to the game so they could meet your team. Oh, and you should finish eating because you have to play in two hours and five minutes. So you have five minutes to finish eating if you want your two hours." I looked at the time and started eating quicker. Taemin and his group were coming? I wonder if that mean everyone. My butterflies increased, and the anticipation for the match rose.

We arrived at the field. I bolted out of the car, away from the lady that wanted me to call her 'Mum' and into the embrace of the harsh chemical smell of turf that had long since become my friend. She left as soon as she saw another person on my team because she didn't want to be seen as a soccer mom. I took a deep breath and allowed my nerves to completely settle. This was my home. I spent most of my life here as a child. On a soccer field where I had some power over whether we won or lost. The one place I had any control over my life, and a family that supported me unconditionally, besides Cole of course. I took a deep breath. These mornings were the mornings I lived for. The overcast sky, cool weather, and barely a breeze. Perfection. I smiled to myself. This game was going to be loads of fun.

"Alison, Over here!" I turned. My team was sitting by the field on a stretch of blankets they had lain out so that they didn't get dew on their shorts. I smiled and ran over. As long as they were there I had a family. I had to remember that. 

"Are you ready to win," Maya asked. I grinned.

"You bet I want to win this game. I haven't played soccer all week because of dance. Now I get to play." We laughed and joked around until Coach called us over to the cones he had set up. My mind cleared and sharpened once the drill began, my muscles loosening and moving quickly with precision. They obeyed every command, landed lightly, and possessed power. I felt strong. I always felt strong on game days. How could you be weak if you lived your life for these moments? Then we played monkey in the middle and practiced shots on goal. The refs checked us in, starting line ups were announced, and we took the field. I was in my favourite right defense position. 

It was a good game. I had an assist, and I saved a goal from going in. Honestly, it was one of the most fun games I had ever played in my life. We were tied 1-1 in the first half, and 2-2 in the second. Then we went into double overtimes with no one scoring until the last three minutes. For the record, we played about two hours plus injury time. By the end of the game, we were exhausted and thrilled that we had won. It was a little iffy at times, but the defense and the keeper had our half covered for the most part. We were in a group under the shade of the bleachers to escape the heat now radiating from the turf as we lay on the ground in exhaustion, grins etched into our faces. That was our qualifying match to get into the state cup. We could have been on the top of the world for all we knew. Despite my muscles screaming, I felt energy surging through my limbs at the thought of returning to State Cup for the first time since the robbery.

"Ally get up! I'm hungry," Key called to me. I turned over to look at him. Jonghyun walked up behind him.

"Come on babe, you have to be nicer than that."

Cole laughed. "No you don't. Ally, we need food to live, and you're going to be so sore tomorrow in dance if you don't eat soon. Let's go." I made no move to get up. He patted his hands to his knees. "Come on Ally!"

"I'm not a dog," I muttered.

Jinki walked over to where I lay. "Come on. We all want food." He looked at me pleadingly. Darn it! Why did he have to be so cute and charming? He didn't even do anything to be cute or charming! Ugg... "I'll even carry you if you can get someone to hold your bag."

I studied him. He was telling the truth. My heart melted a little with the knowledge that he could be a gentleman, but I'm gross and sweaty and heavy. Actually it would be better to have someone help me with my stuff. "I'll get up if you promise to carry my soccer bag." He nodded and shouldered my bag. Some of the girls on my team aw'ed at his sweetness, and I forced myself off of the ground. My legs were shaky, and he put an arm around my shoulders to help keep me upright as we walked. We made our way back to the group.

Cole looked from Jinki to me, and back. "Jinki, I admit that I approve of you as a friend, but hands off my sister until I know you better." Jinki removed his arm from my shoulders. I glared at Cole and threw and elbow into his side. Or tried to anyways, he dodged neatly and spun out of my range.

I laughed. "Let's go to lunch. I'm starving."

"Oh sure, now she's hungry," Taemin joked.

"You didn't even try to get me to come out from under the bleachers. You were probably too busy making out with Minho." Taemin blushed and muttered something about Minho's kissing skills. At lunch I joked around and acted like a normal person who didn't have to be perfect almost all the time. I could honestly say that it was one of the best days of my life. Jinki sat next to me and Cole, while the couples claimed seats together. Everything was perfect.

Over the next few weeks I hung out with them and joked around. It was the first time I had ever really felt alive outside of soccer and hanging out with Cole. For the first time I could feel myself start to let more people into my life. They were my friends, and I belonged to a group. I guess I was silly to forget about my bad luck.

After the last game of the State Cup, we had lost and ended up in 6th of 8, coach announced that the team would be disbanding, and that he would no longer be coaching. A few of the other girls admitted that since their older siblings were going to college, the family was moving and they wouldn't be playing soccer anymore. I just stood there and watched as my family fell apart again. This time, though, they weren't dead, they were just leaving and promising not to contact us because they didn't want to be pulled back into soccer after they had decided to quit. Hey I'm not judging, but it hurt a lot for them to say that they didn't want to care about us anymore. After that last game, we promised that we wouldn't see each other again on purpose.

I was numb for weeks. I had no reason to live. After a few days off of school where I would only leave the house to practice and return home right after, Taemin, Jinki, Cole, Minho, Key, and Jonghyun decided to stage an intervention. After practice they picked me up, with everyone but Key and Cole grabbing a limb, and Cole shouting out instructions on how to keep me from hurting them as I thrashed around. After a wile I resigned myself to being dragged wherever they were taking me. It's not like I really did anything at home. I could just do more nothing wherever they're taking me. It was fall, so there was a light rain outside as they dragged me into a car and drove to some unknown place. 

They drove for what seemed like an eternity. I fell asleep at some point. When I woke up I was being carried bridal style outside in the rain. For the first time in weeks I smiled. I knew this scent from somewhere. I thought for a few moments. Oh yeah, that's the scent of rain on dry grass and warm turf. That's why I love it so much. I felt like crying. Why would they bring me back here? Did they believe that it would make me lively again? I was broken. I knew that. I hadn't spoken since the team disbanded, but that wasn't a problem because no one talked to me any more. Bringing me to a place that used to be my palace was like pulling apart freshly scabbed wounds. Jinki put me down in the center circle.

I looked around the field, remembering the past, the teams I'd played for, the wins, losses, triumphs, fails. I remembered why I had fallen in love with the sport, my coaches who were always there for me. I also remembered the pain of being cut or leaving teams, including the most recent pain. My coach suddenly announcing that the team was going to disband, my family falling apart and scattering, and the promise to never try to see each other again. I felt tears running down my face and I made my way over to where I would normally set up to play right defense. Then I sat down in the soaking turf and stared at the empty field in front of me, replaying every time I could have shouted louder or run harder or celebrated more.

The group carefully approached me. "Alison, we brought you here for two reasons," Cole started. "One, we need you to realize that it's unhealthy to let yourself go because your team disbanded, and two because when you scream and decide to use your defensive training no one will hear you." I rolled my eyes. Couldn't they just leave me to my memories in peace.

Cole stepped back. Then Key tried. "Ally, I'm not sure if you know this, but staring at the field doesn't make a team appear." He laughed a little. I glared at him. Of course I knew that. If teams worked that way I would have been here a long time ago. He tried again. "We're worried that you're falling back into your depression. We don't want to lose you, and we want you to be healthy. When was the last time you ate?" I shrugged and laid down against the mushy bundle of plastic and ground up tires that made up the turf field. I didn't know when the last time I ate was. I didn't really care. Looking up at the dark sky and feeling the rain drops fall on me, I felt a little better. This could still be my home, but I would never play on it until a new team formed in the league that I played in. The lady didn't want to drive more than ten minutes to go anywhere but school. Key stepped closer again so that he stood above me. "At least answer us! Can't you see how worried you've made us? I thought that we were friends," he pleaded.

I looked at him. "I'm sorry," I whispered as I curled into a ball.

Jonghyun must have pulled Key back to the group because Key took a step back, and Taemin appeared. "Ally," he asked. "You know that you can still play soccer right? There are teams in the area in you age group. I looked it up." I uncurled from my ball to look at him.

"With practiced withing ten minutes of my home?" Taemin shook his head. I turned away. Then those teams were no good. I had done some research. Unless I wanted to play in an adult league without any practices or I wanted to take the bus or walk fifteen miles, there were no soccer teams that I could play on in the area. Taemin walked away and Minho approached me.

"I know that soccer was you life," he started. I shook my head. "It wasn't you life?" I nodded my head. "Can you explain?"

I sighed and pulled myself into a sitting position. "The lady told me that I could play soccer if the practices were within a ten minute drive of the house and I greed to dance for her sister's husband's dance company. I agreed because it meant that I could still play soccer, even if I had to leave my team to go play somewhere else. At least I would get to play against them from time to time. Then the team I joined became my family, and after that they broke up and promised to never make an effort to see each other again. Soccer was more than my life. It was my family and a place where I could make a difference. It meant so much more to me than my life." As I explained I felt myself becoming distant with my words. Numb. Minho nodded and walked back to Taemin. He must have understood how I felt when it came to soccer to some degree because he loved the sport even if he was never on a team that he considered family. 

Then Jonghyun walked up. "You made Key upset," he stated. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

Jonghyun nodded. "I know you didn't, but we're worried that you haven't eaten much. Especially when it's after a traumatic experience like people you thought were your family disappearing. We're scared that we may lose you as part of our family because you've been drifting away from us."

"I don't mean to be. I promise. I love you guys," I whispered to no one in particular. I didn't want to hurt them or burden them, I loved them. I just wasn't sure that I loved the enough to be able to forget soccer.

Jonghyun made a noise of agreement. "Just think it over and consider hanging out with us once in a while, 'kay?" He retreated. The whole group looked over at Jinki, who looked at the ground. He looked really cute and a little hot, not that I would ever admit that to anyone in the group, but it's the truth. Cole pushed him forward a little too hard, and he fell, almost landing on me and getting turf burn all over his stomach and arms because he tried to catch himself on his arms and his shirt rolled up.

"Are you okay," I asked as he looked at the scrapes now covering his arms and stomach. "Let me see." I sigh. How could he let himself be so clumsy? At least I was good at first aid. "Do you have gauze or band aids?" He shook his head. I grabbed an arm and checked for any long or particularly deep cuts that could be a problem. "It seems to be minor abrasions, but clean it and wrap the bad areas when you get home so that they don't get infected or scar." He nodded again.

"Does this mean that you do care about us," Jinki asked. I nodded. How could he even think that I didn't care about them. I didn't tell them because I didn't want them to worry that I was upset. I just didn't act happy enough. I'll work on that. "Good, I thought that maybe I wasn't good enough company to you."

"I always like hanging out with you. You make me smile and forget my problems." I flashed a timid smile in his direction. Sorry for making you worry. I'll make and effort, okay? Just don't expect too much. I'm not sure if I can pull myself out of the hole I've dug."

Jinki smiled and grabbed my hand. "That's all we wanted to hear from you Ally." Then he laughed. "Now let's go home. We're soaked and going to catch colds if we stay out here much longer." He grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet, dusting turf beads off our shirts and shorts as he lead us back to the group.

"Did you finally get through to her," Key asked.

"Please just leave it for now. We need to get out of the rain, and into dry clothes before anything else happens." They nodded and the group walked to the car with Jinki and me following a few steps behind. "Aren't you cold Ally?" I shook my head. I didn't really get cold. He nodded, and threw me his jacket when we got to the car anyway. I bundled up in it, probably looking like a child wearing her mother's jacket, but it was warm from the car and smelled like Jinki. I felt safer with it around me. Since when had I felt safer with Jinki than I did on a soccer field?

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any ideas about where the story could go, please comment!


End file.
